Newer News

I awoke early this morning to an email update on our youngest daughter, Aliza, and her pending transfer to the mental institution that we blogged about yesterday. Rather than sorting through the information in her email, I'll just repeat what Natalie has posted as an update in her blog at this point.

 

Update on Molly/Aliza

Life in this country is like playing a giant game of telephone... only you don't know who started the game. I have heard three different things from three different people. I do know this much: Aliza is loved and cherished at this orphanage. This orphanage does NOT want her transferred. I am almost certain that the only way she will be transferred is if they are required by the government to transfer her. We must pray, pray, pray that this will not occur. I feel so much happier, and so much more hopeful today. I am SO thankful for all the prayers, spreading the word, and the support for her family, who are in a race against time to protect her from the horrors of a laying room. I am so happy to see people rallying around them and showing them how loved their little angel is from around the world!

So there you have it. It appears that prayers are already being answered for favor on Aliza's behalf. The focus of our prayer request yesterday was for Aliza, but Olivia is not out of her own risk of transfer. Because she is older than Aliza, her risk of transfer to another facility also increases with each passing month, although she is not likely to be sent to a "laying room" because she is physically mobile on her own. It's still a race against time for both girls. But God... Please continue to pray that transfer will be delayed for both girls until we arrive to bring Aliza and Olivia home. Our desire is that their only transfer is from their respective orphanages to our home. And God can make a way even when it seems impossible. He specializes in the impossible. I think it puts a smile on His face to say "See what I just did!"

~ Michelle
Update: Because both "Olivia" and "Aliza" are no longer available for adoption, we felt it was best to remove the photos we had posted of them from our blog.

Urgently We Plead...

I know I'm up posting this in the middle of the night, but this is URGENT!! I was going to load several pictures as well. But it didn't want to upload right, so I'm not waiting for my computer to make up it's mind. Maybe I'll edit later and add photos for you. But for now, let me move on to what's important.

I just received an email a few minutes ago from a missionary who spends time in Aliza's orphanage telling us that the doctors there have just finished their medical evaluation of her, and she is literally hours (or in a best case scenarios, few short days) away from being transferred to a "laying room" location. To the reader uneducated in adoption "lingo", this sounds like a quiet little church nursery room where you can let your sleeping baby rest peacefully, away from the commotion of all the other children with the noisy toys and demands for snacks. 

In the case of any orphan with physical or mental limitations, this is certainly NOT the type of situation we are speaking about. This is a matter of life and death to a child like Aliza. This means she goes from her life as she knows it now... with semi-frequent stimulation outside her crib,

 watching other children play around her,
 

laughing and smiling,

having the privilege of going outside

for stroller rides,

blowing bubbles with caregivers,

being held in someone's arms, 

and scooting around in a walker...

to a life I cannot fathom...

BEING CONFINED TO HER CRIB 

24 HOURS A DAY, 

7 DAYS A WEEK, 

365 DAYS A YEAR, 

IF SHE SURVIVES THAT LONG, 

WITH ABSOLUTELY ZERO STIMULATION!! 

Not all orphanages treat their children without affection and love, please don't misunderstand me, but from everything we've heard, if our precious Aliza is sent to any of the less-than-best "laying room" locations, or what we'd call in America, a "mental institution" (which is what she faces any hour now), she will likely be sedated, strapped by her limbs to her bed rails, laying in her own waste, suffering from bedsores, without any toys or books, or physical human contact with anyone. By no means to we want to make her country's people sound like heartless, inhumane folks. They are simply operating on extremely limited resources, and do not always have the means to give the children with physical and/or mental limitations the same kind of family type care that we think of for children waiting in our American foster system. Without a miracle, which we are praying for, Aliza is already scheduled to begin lying there alone, yet in the midst of a sea of dozens of bedridden orphans, all waiting to die, yet hoping desperately within their souls to be rescued. I have read in many blogs how statistics consistently indicate that most children sent to these living conditions will not survive their first full year there. I believe that breaks God's heart! Not one ounce of me believes that is the purpose in which He gave these children breath in their lungs. Yes, this is part of their story, and He wants to use the best and worst of each of our stories for His glory, but His purpose for them was not to be born into an orphanage and end up dying there too. He gave them life, and He gave it abundantly. He does not intend for these children to be strapped to a bed so they can wither away and die because His other children have a hundred and one excuses why we couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't be able to play a part in their rescue.

Can you imagine spending the remainder of your life like that? I cannot. It's hard enough to be isolated away from the love of my family and confined to my bed with the flu for a few days. I cannot even begin to identify with or comprehend the sheer boredom and loneliness followed by the mental, emotional, and physical regression Aliza will experience wasting away in these conditions she faces in the coming hours.

I am in tears. I cannot sleep. My heart is grieved that any child should have to face that possibility. Especially OUR child. Rick and I fully believe God has destined both Aliza and Olivia to be a part of our family, and although we have not met them face to face yet, we love them wholeheartedly. 

We are doing all we can behind the scenes to request an informal delay in Aliza's transfer until we can get to her country to bring both girls home with us, but we desperately need both your prayers and your financial help!!! Every single dollar is more helpful than you'd think! Please don't assume that you have to give thousands upon thousands of dollars to make a difference. (Although that would be awesome too!) Look how God provided miraculously for the widow who gave Him her last two mites. We can never out-give God!

Ask anyone who knows me... I am not one to ask for help usually, even in desperate times. I rarely ask. And when I do, I'm not very direct about it. But this time, I am beyond just hinting at the need, or sheepishly asking for your help.

I am on my knees pleading with our readers to help us with the ransom expenses wrapped up in "red tape" to bring these girls home to our family as quickly as possible. This adoption is NOT about us. It's not about us wanting more children, although we would gladly welcome them. It's not about being a "hero" to a child, or gaining recognition for rescuing an orphan from their plight. If I could do it without the fanfare and publicity of the bloggy world, I would. I do not like center stage at all!! Give me the job without the lights and cameras shining on me!

This is also not about "we couldn't get pregnant again, so we'll adopt instead". This is about giving a child who faces certain death a chance to live. And not just live physically, but to have a life. A life with love, and touch, and stimulation, and interaction. A life with purpose and meaning. A life most orphans will never know. It's about giving orphans the opportunity to see God with skin on. It's about giving them a chance to know who Jesus Christ is, to accept Him as their personal Savior and Rescuer, the ultimate Redeemer, the only One who can ransom their soul from eternity in hell. This is not about us my friends! It's about HIM! It's about fulfilling God's commands to bring justice into the life of the fatherless. 

We knew our girls were in danger of being transferred out of their baby orphanages soon, but we hoped it wouldn't be until next summer when their next birthdays rolled around again. If we could have finalized these adoptions before our move south, we most certainly would have. But God made it pretty clear that we were to be in Texas during this crazy adventure. There are certain portions of our adoption process that we cannot move forward with until our move to Texas is complete next month, but we still face the hurdle of financial provision for each step of the journey. If the financial hurdle is already out of the way when our homestudy in TX is finalized, we can eliminate a significant portion of the waiting time that most families spend working on their fundraising efforts. Having the funding already in place allows us to travel to meet our girls almost immediately after receiving approval from their government to come pick them up. We simply cannot express how urgent this situation is. Unless you've been there and seen a "laying room" for yourself, or like us, you've read blog after blog describing what Aliza likely faces in the coming hours, you'll just have to take our word for it. It's not for the faint of heart. Your generous contribution to the legal expenses ahead of us is so critical right now! PLEASE help us get to our daughters as quickly as possible. I know God is able to provide exceedingly, abundantly, beyond all that we could possibly ask, pray, dream of, or hope for.

I'm sorry if I come across like I'm begging. I lack the experience of asking for help in a politically correct way without offending anyone! All I know is that God says repeatedly in His Word to "Give justice to the orphan, uphold the rights of the oppressed and destitute, defend the orphan, plead for the cause of the fatherless and widows..." That's all I'm doing now... Pleading for the lives of two little orphan girls that have stolen our hearts right out from under our chins. We refuse to sit idly by and watch either of them die alone in a crib without a mother or father's loving touch because we didn't plead for their precious lives to be spared. Maybe you've said in the past that you were never called to adopt an orphan. Maybe not. But God called all of us to pursue justice for these little ones without parents. And that calling looks different for each person. That doesn't always mean adoption is in God's plan for each family. For some families, pleading for justice in the life of an orphan is just as easily accomplished with those wads of green paper thrown on the dresser when you empty your pockets at night. That's why we urgently plead for your financial support right now in addition to your prayer support. Our family was "called" to adopt. That's our part in defending the fatherless. What part can you play in bringing justice to the life of an orphan?

As a wealthy American nation, we think nothing of plunking hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars down every December to give gifts to those around us. I am no different than the rest of you at Christmas time when the funds are there to spend. I cannot trade places with our girls in a "laying room", but I would trade a lifetime of Christmas gifts to give these girls a place in our home and in our lives this very minute. There is so much more I'd be willing to "lay down" for them to prevent them from spending a single day in a "laying room". What could you "lay down" for them? All it takes is clicking on that "Chip In" or "Donate" button at the top of the right side column on this page. You can be a part of rescuing these children from a lonely death in a "laying room". They need each and everyone of us to pray for them, first and foremost, but also to plead for justice for them. Please pray for protection over our girls, favor with the orphanage staff, and ask God to show you if there is any other way you can help Olivia and Aliza.

You'll never regret it.

 

Do not withhold good 

from those to whom it is due 

when it is within the power
of your hand to do so. 
Proverbs 3:27

Update: Because both "Olivia" and "Aliza" are no longer available for adoption, we felt it was best to remove the photos we had posted of them from our blog.

1st Giveaway Recipient & Extension

Right about now, you've probably just finished licking the last smudge off your fork after chowing down on turkey, stuffing, cranberry, and pumpkin pie!! And now you need something to kick back with and enjoy while you wait for your Thanksgiving feast to digest, so you can get up and move around again!

How does a good book sound?

For our very first fundraising giveaway, 

which began on November 1st 

and was scheduled to end today, 

we had offered 2 (two) copies of

 

"Adopt Without Debt: 

Creative Ways to Cover The Cost Of Adoption" 

(Revised & Expanded 2nd Edition) 

by Julie Gumm 

for two of our supporters who either 

1) shared about our giveaway on your own blog or Facebook page, 

and/or 

2) contributed $5.00 (or more) to our 

adoption fund, 

followed by 

3) leaving a comment on this post stating that you contributed, and/or noting the link to where you shared about our blog. 

EXCEPT... 

We only had one comment left on our blog!!!

SOOOOO...

One copy of this book will go to the one person who left a comment, Andrea G..
(Andrea, please send an email to us with a mailing address where I can ship the book to you asap!!)

and the other copy of the book will be left available for one more week, as an extension of our first giveaway. We will draw a recipient from the names of those who comment below between right now and November 30, 2011 at midnight, using the same giveaway guidelines as described in the original giveaway post.

Who wants a copy of this very informative book??

~ Michelle

 

Introducing Our Girls!!

Well, you've been waiting long enough to see photos and hear a few details of the precious girls we are pursuing from Ukraine! We had to wait for a few minor details (that I can't elaborate on) to be settled before we could write this post, but the time has come at long last!!

The very first child to grab our hearts while browsing an organization's orphan photolisting was "The Girl With The Cookie Crumb On Her Lip". Unfortunately, I do not have permission at this time to share that specific photo with you here publicly, although many of you who are fully submerged in the adoption "world" have already figured out who she is, and have asked us privately if she was the child you thought she was. She is. She was added just a couple of weeks before we browsed that photolisting.

After "loving a few, and losing a few" but finding peace in knowing the other children we had been interested in had been given a home, we "stumbled upon" the child we have referred to in previous posts as "Girl Number 2" on the official Ukrainian government photolisting (while looking for info on "Cookie Crumb Girl"). The official photolisting gives no detailed info beyond their birth names, ages, regions, etc., except in the case of "Girl Number 2" it listed that she was considered to have special needs (but didn't give any indication of what that might be). She caught our attention immediately though with her ear to ear grin and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. It didn't matter to us what their situations might be if God was knitting our hearts to theirs from across the world, even though they don't know it yet. We later learned both girls were on the same organization's orphan photolisting, but "Girl Number 2" wasn't listed at the time we first browsed it. She was added just HOURS after we found the girl with the cookie crumb on her lip.

Although I don't have permission to share their fake photolisting names, interestingly enough, both girls' aliases rhymed, like "Pete & Repete" type of twinny sounding names. Maybe it's not so interesting to you, but as a mother of identical twins already, I thought it was amusing anyway. We were relieved to find out those were not their real names as we very much disliked both aliases! LOL Again, we do not have permission at this time to share those photos with you... BUT we do have permission from varying other sources apart from that organization to share photos they have personally taken of our girls while spending time in Ukraine. (And I will share those in a bit!)

Although we do know what names both girls are called in their orphanages, we're choosing not to reveal their birth names publicly at this time so as to not put them in any legal situation that could possibly hinder the process of them joining our family in the coming months. Instead, from this point out, we will refer to both girls by the first names we intend to call them upon bringing them home with us. We want you to get to know them as they will be called and reduce the confusion for those who can't keep straight which name is which. (As that would be 6 different names for only 2 little girls!)

So, without further delay...  

We have chosen the name Olivia

for our "Cookie Crumb Girl".

We chose this name for her because it means "Peaceful One", 

which seems to match her personality,

as observed by someone who spent time
with her recently.

Olivia has been described as "...a doll, 
...always wants to play with us, 
and asks to wear my glasses all the time, ...gentle, quiet, a helper." 

"...loves to run her hands through my hair, 

..a girly girl at heart, 
but gets along with all the boys well." 

(I guess it's a good thing I wear glasses 
and have long hair!)

~~~~~~~

Next, we want to introduce you to
"Girl Number 2"... 

 We've (mostly) settled on the name Aliza,

(pronounced "uh-lee-zuh", 
with a long e sound followed by a z sound),

which means "Joyful One".

Aliza has been described as 
"... a very motivated little girl, 
...understands everything that is said to her, 

... has a keen sense of awareness as to
what's going on around her, 

 ...a very smart little girl who knows
what she wants"

"...has a great little sense of humour,
...infectious laugh, 

..a gentle, loving girl who loves people, especially other children, 

...will do best surrounded by siblings," 

(That's a good things since she'll be surrounded by half a dozen of them!)

 "...pure, unconditional joy in spite of 

the numerous injustices she has faced,  

 ...She inspired me every day 
as I looked in her eyes 

and saw a joy that could only come
through Christ."

So there you have it! These are the precious, beautiful girls we believe God has destined to be grafted into our family. Olivia and Aliza. We talk about them so much in our family, they almost feel "here" sometimes. But they aren't. Yet.

We have a long to-do list ahead of us (that seemingly endless stack of paperwork, preparing a room for them, and tens of thousands of dollars of fundraising) as we prepare for their journey home in the coming months, and our family appreciates all your prayers and support.

We especially continue to ask for your prayers for God's protection over Olivia and Aliza while they await our arrival there in Ukraine. Both girls are at imminent risk of being transferred to mental institutions where conditions are horrible, where they would likely be treated no better than caged animals. We are doing everything we can, within God's timeline, to make sure our girls do not have to spend a single hour longer in their orphanages than they have to.

We can't wait to be able to share the news that they are finally home with us!! Just seeing photos of our girls makes me smile, but that will be the day I think I will smile the most!

~ Michelle

Update: Because both "Olivia" and "Aliza" are no longer available for adoption, we felt it was best to remove the photos we had posted of them from our blog.

 

Someday We'll Look Back...

Well. . . we have an answer. Finally.


After a LOT of details I haven't bothered you with, and 5 (or more) of Rick's supervisor's and liaisons in the company finagling over whether Rick was staying in Texas or if they were indeed going to follow through with their transfer approval to Oklahoma, and all the varying reasons why they would or would not approve a transfer at this time after all. . . we finally have a real answer.


And for those who know me well, you already know the answer because you probably noticed I didn't use a bunch of exclamation points after the first line of this post.


No, we are back to not being approved to transfer to Oklahoma at this time. They want to keep Rick in the Texas desert for a minimum of one year before they will reconsider a transfer north to OK. And they will only reconsider the transfer in a year IF the "powers that be" in the Oklahoma office specifically request his transfer. (Guess who's phone number got slipped to Rick as he left the Texas office this morning?) Do they even have a clue how much work it is on a mom to repeatedly move a crew our size?


I'm sure you can't tell, but I'm not having a real good attitude about this final answer yet this morning. I was praying and believing for Oklahoma. After the first supervisor said Rick was transferring, I had lined up so many of the "details" and contacts for the area in OK we had been told we'd be transferred to. I really haven't lined up all those things for TX yet. So my search begins again, just days before we head south. My biggest stress right now is helping Rick find a home for us. The housing market in the part of Texas we're going to is practically non-existent for 3 bdrms or larger. Rick has been out almost every weekend looking for a home there, just in case. More weekends than not, there are not even a total of 3 new homes to view, and that's even with being willing to look at homes that are half the size we're in now, and close enough to the neighbors to loan them toilet paper through the window when they run out. (Okay, I'm exaggerating, but only by a few feet! You'd have to toss them the roll instead of handing it to them!) Many weekends there have been zero homes to look at (like yesterday). Rick has even looked in the towns in each direction (by an hour's drive). Still nothing. A few average homes to buy, IF we wanted to go several hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, which we don't, especially knowing we could be transferred in a year. At this point, we don't know if we'll end up cramming our family of 8 into an apartment or duplex for the next year. I'm feeling discouraged. (You couldn't tell that, right?) Please pray that Rick finds something that is a blessing to our family instead of a drudgery, both financially and practically. Some place we can look forward to living in. Without having to leave our life long pets behind. And will pass inspection for the adoption homestudy. And a landlord as wonderful as our current landlords have been to us. And a window over my kitchen sink.


I really am trying to see the good in this, but I guess I haven't gotten there yet. I cannot see God's purpose in this location yet, but I'm trying my best this morning to turn it over to Him and just trust that He knows best. I promise I'll work on my attitude about it all, because I don't want to have to wander in the Texas desert for the next 40 yrs because of a bad attitude. I just pray that in a year, we'll be able to look back and understand why God sent us to Texas first, instead of Oklahoma. And hopefully by then, our girls will be home with us. It is for them that I am willing to live in the desert, if that's what it takes to proceed with our adoption. God must know the right home study worker, therapists, etc for the adoption of these girls will be in Texas instead of Oklahoma. I don't know. I do know I just want to be in God's will, fulfilling His purposes, and in my husband's arms, soaking in his warm embrace again. It's been a VERY long 9 weeks without him now.


I can't see it now, but I rest in the confidence that God doesn't ever do anything without a purpose, and a plan, one that is for our good, not to hurt us.


Someday, we'll look back. . . and we'll see His good in this.


I'm off to pack more boxes...


~ Michelle

National Adoption Awareness Month - First Giveaway!!!

"Adoption is not just about couples who want children - or who want more children. Adoption is about an entire culture within our churches, a culture that sees adoption as part of our Great Commission mandate and as a sign of the gospel itself... I want to ask what it would mean if our churches and families were known as the people who adopt babies - and toddlers, and children, and teenagers. What if we as Christians were known, once again, as the people who take in orphans and make of them beloved sons and daughters? 

"No one wants parents who adopt children out of the same sense of duty with which they may give to the building fund for the new church gymnasium. But all of us have a stake in the adoption issue, because Jesus does. He is the one who tells us His Father is also "Father of the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5). And, He is the one who insists on calling "the least of these" His "brothers" (Matthew 25:40) and who tells us that the first time we hear His voice, He will be asking us if we did the same." ~ Russell D. Moore

Wow, what an awesome privilege we have in sharing in God's love for "the least of these" through adoption!! It is humbling that He wants to include us in this mission of love!

In celebration of National Adoption Awareness Month (November), we want to announce our very first give away to honor all families whose lives have been positively impacted by adoption, and to begin the fundraising efforts for our pending adoption of two precious little girls from Ukraine! (Okay, we'd be lying if we said it wasn't for the fundraising too!)


For our very first fundraising giveaway, we have 2 (two) copies of 

"Adopt Without Debt" 

(Revised & Expanded 2nd Edition) 

by Julie Gumm

to share with two of our supporters. Entering our giveaway is very simple, and there are two easy ways to enter:

1) Click on the 'donate' button (upper right) to contribute to our adoption fund, and leave a comment below letting us know you contributed.  For every $5 donation, your name will go into the infamous hat. 
($5 = Your name goes in the hat once, 
$10 = Your name goes in the hat twice, 
$15 = Your name goes in the hat 3 times, etc.)

AND/OR 

2) Share about this giveaway with your friends on your own blog or Facebook page (include a link to our blog), and leave a comment below with a link to where you shared about this giveaway. Your name will go in the hat one time for each location link you posted at.

Because National Adoption Awareness Month lasts the whole month of November, this giveaway is going to be active for most of the month as well. On Thanksgiving Day (Nov. 24, 2011) we will draw two names out of the hat (or bowl, or stock pot, or whatever else we may have that isn't already packed in a box for our upcoming move) and we will post the names of our winners. We will need our winners to respond with a mailing address ASAP so we can ship the books before we move though! 

Are you ready?

On your mark, 

Get set, 

GO!!

The Man In The Mirror, Pt. 2

Day 2 - Man in the Mirror - continued

So tonight, I went to a church that in the short time I have been here, I have already grown to love. When I first went to check it out, it was with the intent of "crossing it off my list". I wasn't really interested in attending another "mega-church" as I had in the past. (So big, they have 4 services per Sunday!) Instead, what I experienced was a worship team that led me into the presence of God, and a pastoral team that unashamedly teaches the truth from scripture, and illustrates it from personal experience. Wow! 

So why do I bring this up? Because the current theme has been the book of James. We've been studying it for three weeks, and haven't even left the first eight verses of the first chapter! Ok, for those of you who are unfamiliar or may not remember, it goes "Count it all joy, brothers, when you encounter various trials..." (Notice he doesn't say if? Darn!) And then it goes on to talk about how trials produce patience/endurance and that it should have its perfect work in us, etc, etc. Ooookkkkaaayyy....so how? Well, that's the funny part. You'd think that it would be by somehow magically conjuring up more faith, right? At least, that's what I thought. But no. James goes on to say that "He who lacks wisdom, let him ask and it will be given abundantly..." 

Okay, hold on just a cotton-pickin' minute! Did he just switch subjects or what, 'cause I'm lost. What does wisdom have to do with enduring trials? I'm glad you asked so I don't have to feel like the only dumb one. ;-) Well, interesting thing. Pastor pointed out that the AMOUNT of our faith has very little to do with anything. After all, the Word says that "faith as small as a mustard seed is enough to move mountains..." and I don't know if you've looked at one lately, but a mustard seed is pretty darn small. So if that's the case, why is faith such an issue for most people, including yours truly? Because the issue isn't the amount of our faith, its the object of our faith. What do I mean? Simply that God and His will are what we are putting our faith in, right? So if we know Him, understand His character and His will for us, its easy to trust Him, right? I mean, why does a young boy jump off the top step and yell half way down "Catch me daddy!"? Because there is not a doubt in that little boy's mind that he will! He knows his daddy loves him, does not want to see him hurt, and loves to play with him. In his mind, that's all he needs to know. Case closed. Daddy will catch me. So why do we struggle so much with trusting our heavenly Father to "catch us"? Because the reality is, we get caught up playing religion and we do not really KNOW Him; His character; His love for us. Ouch! 

Okay, so where does the whole "asking for wisdom thing" fit in? Simple. We are asking for Him to reveal His will to us and His character. Contrary to popular belief, knowing the will of God is not that hard. In fact, He promises that if we ask for it, (wisdom) that He WILL give it to us. The bigger question is, are we listening? Do we know Him well enough to recognize His voice when He speaks to us? Oh, ouch again! His is the still, small voice so easily drowned out by the cares and distractions of the world. 

So Father, I ask your forgiveness. Forgive me for doubting; for trusting what my eyes see instead of seeking your Truth and trusting what your Spirit tells me. Please forgive me for complaining. Thank you for your patience with me. Please help me remember all the ways in which you have cared and provided for me in the past, and teach me to trust in you and your divine will for my/our future. Please continue to reveal your character to me as I learn to walk in the paths you've already established for me. I thank you that our children rest safely in your arms tonight. I thank you that you already know what needs to happen to reunite our existing family as well as the bridges that must be crossed to join with these two beautiful daughters who eagerly await a father and mother to demonstrate your love to them. Please protect them and watch over them, fulfilling not only their physical needs, but their emotional needs too. Please equip us physically, mentally, and spiritually to be everything you have called us to be to these two beautiful girls. Teach us to love them unselfishly, the way you've loved us, and knit all of our hearts together with yours. I love you, Father, and my heart safely trusts in you. Amen.

~ Rick

The Man In The Mirror, Pt. 1

I'm sure I'm not the first man (or woman, for that matter) who has questioned their own motives or whether they are hearing God accurately as opposed to "putting words in His mouth". Nevertheless, it is never a comfortable feeling to be in that place of introspection, at least in my opinion. Tonight I looked at "the man in the mirror", and I did not like what I saw. I saw a man who had once again become so caught up in "making things happen" and being "the go-to guy", that I temporarily lost sight of the reason for doing them. And of course, in the process, began to doubt my Father. 

I'm told this is a pretty typical male character flaw, but I hate indecision and I hate waiting, especially when I'm having to wait because I'm unsure of something. "God, just tell me what's up and I'm sure WE can make it happen." How my Father must laugh sometimes at my feeble human efforts to fill His shoes. Isaiah tells us "They that WAIT upon the Lord shall renew their strength..." Why is it that we men struggle so much with that simple concept? Is it because we are used to being in charge or having others dependent upon our decisions? Maybe its because at work, time is money and to wait on anything feels like we are wasting time. Whatever the reason, I know this has been one of my biggest struggles. I find myself constantly questioning if there is something more I should be doing, and yes, I have a hard time relinquishing control.

Okay, there, I said it. And thus the battle with the man in the mirror. Because the reality is, this is the oldest struggle in the book. Man questioning and thinking he knows better than God. And the reality is simple. God is not an arrogant know-it-all like that guy you can't stand at work. He is omniscient. He truly knows everything. He has the advantage of an eternal perspective that in our limited human bodies, we can't even begin to grasp the scope of. Yet, time and again, we will question God because we forget that His ways are higher than our ways. We can't even see around the next corner or over the next hill, yet He sees the entire journey at a glance. He created us, designed us, knows our every detail of how we are designed to work, yet we still struggle to trust that He truly knows what's best for us and the people we effect.

So, how do we overcome this defect in character? Well, one way is to "count our blessings." That's essentially what pulled me out of my self-inflicted funk. I began reading the various posts my beautiful bride had made to our blog, and I felt ashamed. I realized all the ways in which God had blessed us already; how He'd paved the way for us in so many ways, and here I was like the Israelites of old, looking over my shoulder at the land of Egypt and thinking "Oh, if I could just go back to my comfort zone (aka - slavery)!"

(Stay tuned for Pt. 2)

~ Rick

Help Us Win!!!

One of our very close friends is holding a contest on the Facebook page of her business, Heart Captions Custom Signs. Who ever refers the most friends to her FB page before November 1st will win a $20 credit to her store. 

***Here's where we need your help...***

If WE win, we intend to use the prize as a fundraiser giveaway here on our blog to help raise money toward our adoption expenses!! 

We would greatly appreciate it if you would so kindly go to https://www.facebook.com/heartcaptions , then "like" her business page, and simply leave a comment saying "Rick and Michelle sent me" or something similar (you must use our names though). 

Thank you so much for helping us win her contest, so we can make the prize multiply itself, allowing our children to come home sooner!

Hurry over to her page and let her know you heard about Heart Captions Custom Signs from us, Rick and Michelle! 

The contest at Heart Captions ends on November 1st!!!

Ever Blogged From A Puddle?

This could be a long post (I'll almost guarantee it), so go put children down for naps, start your dishwasher, or washer and dryer, or crockpot, or whatever you need to wrap up... so you can sit with us for a bit without any mommy guilt, and enjoy hearing what God's been up to lately!

So last update... we're moving to Oklahoma instead of Texas. You got that, right? What's the timeline you ask? We still don't know yet. All we do know at this point is that the children and I will be moving out of our home in Idaho around the beginning of December. Rick's corporate housing ends just prior to Christmas. Two of Rick's supervisors told him his transfer to Oklahoma was approved and he'd be headed there around the beginning of November. Everything seemed to be falling into place smoothly. So I penciled our journey south into the margins of December's calendar page. I keep checking in with God to see if He has any further specific updates for us... and, well, He just keeps smiling back at us with that “Just you wait and see” grin. So we'll wait and see! And we'll let YOU know the plan when HE lets US know the plan. Until then, we'd love to share what all has transpired since you last heard from us two weeks ago...

A few days after our last blog entry, I received an apologetic email from a blogger friend saying they had learned that another family had dropped commitment money on one of the two girls we were intending to adopt. I went to the website of the organization that had the photolisting and sure enough, our “girl no. 2” (not the one with the cookie crumb on her lip, but rather the one with shaken baby syndrome) had been moved to the “My Family Found Me” page. My heart plummeted into my stomach. My heart was crushed. No, not just crushed... honestly, I was devastated. I cried. I really cried. I cried the whole day off and on. I probably needed to have a good cry by then anyway, but I'd been stiff-upper-lipping-it for several days before that. It had already been an emotionally draining month for us. On top of the normal stress of a job change, our family being separated from Rick by 1800 miles for an indefinite period of time, and preparing a large family for a cross-country move, this month alone held three anniversaries of grief for us; the 2^nd anniversary of my dad's unexpected passing, the 17^th anniversary of our first miscarriage (which for some reason never quite hit me as hard in the past as it did this year), and then my original expected due date for our precious son, Nehemiah. Had we not experienced a first trimester miscarriage earlier this year, I would have been giving birth to him sometime last week (give or take). Those who have not experienced a miscarriage many times cannot understand how reaching their EDD can throw a mom into round two of her grieving process. We've lost 5 babies by miscarriage over the years, so I kind of figured I was sort of an “expert” by now and could handle it just fine this time. Yeah right! Our children were also grieving the loss of their Grandpa as well, saddened by the realization that, with the pending move, we wouldn't be able to go to the cemetery on his birthday, etc. It was a puddle month around here regardless of how many times we've grieved a loss already. And although I am, in some ways, grateful that God, in His mercy, knew beforehand that giving birth right now (without Rick by my side), immediately followed by trying to pack and move with a newborn, would have been a very, very difficult ordeal for me, I still grieved our empty arms this past week, wishing it could have somehow ended differently. I miss the pitter-patter of little feet in our home, and waking up to little eyeballs at the edge of our bed staring at us until we wake up. (Well, okay, I still get those with our dog being inside. She likes to stare me awake in the morning too!) And yes, I do miss the diaper bag stage, and the potty training stage, and everything else that goes with being blessed with children. Even God's Word says that a woman's womb is never satisfied. He made mamas that way for a purpose! So I found myself processing tidbits of grief off and on last week.

On top of that reason for the teary eyes, the children and I also hit “the wall” of Rick's absence here at home. Yes, I know we “should be used to it by now”. Let me explain something though... you never “get used to it”. And if you do, it should worry you deeply! Yes, we've learned over the last (almost) 6 years of Rick being a long-haul trucker (and a few other years before that with jobs that frequently took him out of town) to adjust to life without his physical presence in our home at every meal or at bedtime, but there just never is any real “getting used to it”. I always knew from past experience that we usually “hit our wall” around week three. It didn't matter what time of the month it was, “the wall” was usually around week three. That's when you see six teenagers morph into children I don't recognize as my own offspring. And they probably watch their mom regress into some strange woman they aren't eager to claim either! But around week four, life usually returns to a semi-normal state and moves on again. So this time around, when week three came and went, no meltdowns, and week four came and went, and no meltdowns, I was very thankful! I assumed, silly me, that attitudes around here were just staying a bit more even due to the excitement of our pending move south. Then week five hit. And I don't know for sure how they measure tornadoes, hurricanes, and nuclear explosions, but let me tell you... well, never mind. I'll move on. ;-)

So the day I received the email that “girl no. 2” had another family pursuing her as well, the cares of the world were already weighing me down. It just hit me when I was already not at my best, and I dreaded telling Rick or our children about this new development. I knew he had fallen over himself already with his love for these precious girls, and the children has as well. I prayed about how to tell him and the children the heartbreaking news. And I knew I had nothing positive to say about it yet, so I said very little that day to anyone, but my eyes leaked a lot. It was the only day I was thankful that my children are easily distracted from their packing projects by the books in their rooms. God must have known I needed the semi-alone time to cry without them asking why.

A few hours after receiving that email about “girl no. 2”, I received a text message on my phone from our oldest son which read “Guess what I did at work,” and a picture showing his leg in a brace type thing. As I waited for another text with an explanation, I thought “Seriously God? What else could possibly make this week any worse?” While working with a family member doing some landscaping project, our son's knee had popped completely out of socket, bending his leg sideways toward his other leg. Because of it, he was now in a velcro knee thingy (I can't think of the proper word right now), and not able to stand or walk without crutches. He was in a LOT of pain even though his knee had been popped back into place right away. As a mom, not being able to do anything to change his situation, it was one more weight on my shoulders that day. It hurt me to watch him in pain and not be able to make it all better for him. I don't care how grown up they get, a mom will always want to ease her children's aches and pains. Satan was playing around with my mommy guilt for sure. “If you can't be a good mom to him, if you can't ease his suffering, what kind of mom do you really think you would've been to 'girl no. 2' anyway? See, it's better that she goes to another family. They could take better care of her than you! She's beyond your capabilities anyway. You have no experience with her condition.” And on, and on, and on... satan attacked me with both barrels that afternoon. He knows my weakest spot over the years has been my mothering skills. And he's made good use of many willing participants in assaulting me in that area. That is where he has targeted me most in the past. His M.O. was certainly familiar, and I should have recognized it immediately, but I didn't. He is the accuser of God's beloved, full of twisted lies that shoot at us like a fully loaded assault rifle. And that day, his aim was pretty close to the center of his target; my heart.

Then that evening, Rick called after work to tell me that a third supervisor had approached him saying yes, the transfer was still approved, BUT it wouldn't be until sometime in 2012, and he wouldn't narrow it down from there as to when Rick could go. With real vagueness, he said Rick had to be at a certain “level” or something before a location transfer is made, but couldn't/wouldn't give any specifics as to what the goal was, or how long it would likely take someone to reach it. (We're not sure what the political pecking order is between the 3 supervisors, so we don't know yet who has the final say... besides God.) So our prayer at this time is that God will orchestrate the transfer according to the word of the first two supervisors, allowing Rick to relocate very soon so he can begin the house-hunting process in advance of our arrival there. Needless to say, when Rick called with that news of the possible delay, I realized very quickly that satan had been target practicing on the whole family that day. Now we were both stressed about the move, the adoption, etc. I did my best to be my husband's cheerleader in the moment and encourage him that “God had it all under control”, even though I was discouraged myself. But even as I said them, my words felt so empty, like I was lying to him and blowing smoke in his face. We were both doubting God's faithfulness at the same time, even though we've always said we couldn't both be “down” at the same time, lest there be no one to pick the other back up. So Rick and I lamented together on the phone for a few minutes, wondering why God was letting life unravel on us. As I got off the phone, that's when I heard God say, in His gentle fatherly way, “I can't have it all under control until you're willing to lay your Isaac down.” Ouch!! OUCH!! But it was true. I needed to just trust that He would “provide the ram in the thicket”, and just keep doing the last thing He said to do, which was to sort and pack, and prep for the move and the adoption process ahead of us. Have you ever noticed how God doesn't give you multiple instructions at a time? He doesn't move you on to your next task or assignment until you're willing to obey Him in the last thing He instructed you to do. So we're leaving the concrete details of this move in His perfectly capable hands until He's ready to converse with us about that. God knows that we need to have our family all living under one roof again. He knows when our current housing situations end. He knows already what home we will be moving into when we arrive there. He knows I really want a heavily treed property like we have here in Idaho, and a large window over my kitchen sink looking out into that green yard filled with lots of trees. (God, You did get my memo about that, right?) Okay, I really am learning to let God handle this department on our behalf since I have too much else to do to get ready for the move anyway. I'm just doing my best to stay focused on the sorting, packing, and prepping for now, without getting distracted by the things He's working on for us behind the scenes. I'm not big enough to handle it all right now. But He is! And that's actually a relief to me! It means I'll have fewer gray hairs by the time we arrive in Oklahoma.

So God had a pep talk with me about the move over those next few days. Next came the harder part. It was the pep talk about the adoption and the orphans we've grown to love so much. I was willing to take “Isaac” to the hillside with the timing of our move, and I was even willing to seat “Isaac” on the altar when it came to the location in which we'd move, but I had yet to “lay him down” on the altar when it came to the adoption. The next part of that pep talk from God came in a text message from my husband, who thankfully was listening to God as well. I know for a fact he was, because I had yet to share with him what God has said to me about laying my “Isaac” down. In his text message, Rick summarized something he'd learned from Bruce Wilkinson's book, The Dream Giver;

“Be honest with God about how you feel (He already knows anyway) but always acknowledge His sovereignty. There almost always comes a point where the Dream Giver will ask us to surrender our dream. Sometimes like Abraham sacrificing Isaac, He gives the dream back to us to complete. Other times, like Kind David and the temple, He gives it to another (Solomon) to complete. We must never lose sight of the fact that the purpose of any dream is to bring glory and honor to the One who gave it to us. Even when David surrendered his dream, he continued to prepare the way for the one who would complete it. Humbling to think about, isn't it?”

Is my man an exhorter or what? I had no doubt God was speaking to me through my husband that day. See how I said we've always striven to make sure one of us was always “up” to lift the other when they were “down”? He shared what he'd learned from a book to encourage me through my heartbreak. (And I know his heart was breaking too, even though he was trying to lift me up again.) I had yet to read that book for myself, although I've intended to for years. After this conversation with Rick, I figured I'd dig it out of whatever box it was in... AFTER we finished the move. I planned to put it in my “to be read next” pile next to my side of our bed... in the new house. Obviously, God had other plans. Wouldn't you know it... God has a sense of humor! I can prove it! I came downstairs from my bedroom after reading Rick's text message, and, of course, a copy of that book was laying in the hallway at the base of the stairs. Just there. On the carpet. In the hallway. All by it's lonesome. How did it get there? No one knows. Seriously! No one recalls leaving that book there, never mind having held it or looked at it prior to me finding it there. (I know our dog is the master of kitchen dumpster diving while we're not aware, but bookcase dumping now too? Intelligent ol' girl is into doing God's business now too? Well, like I've said before... “If God can speak through a donkey...”) I seriously don't have a clue how the book got there, but I don't think God could have made the message any clearer... I need to read the book NOW, before we move! (Doesn't God realize just how many books I'm in the middle of right now?) Okay, obedience. I've got it! I haven't really gotten very far into the book yet, but that pep talk was the beginning of me releasing these girls from Ukra*ne back OUT of my incapable hands into His fully capable ones. When I finally reached that point a few days after that devastating email where I could say (without the mommy guilt of “not being good enough”) that if “girl no. 2” was adopted by the other family, then I was okay with that being God's perfect plan for her instead of being a part of our family. God gently reminded us that our original prayer for all of these orphans was for them to have a family to call their own, and for them to be able to leave the orphanage behind as quickly as possible, EVEN IF IT WASN'T WITH US. And several days after that first email, when I could again say that prayer with all sincerity, that's when I received yet another email...

It said that the other family had heard about us, had read our blog, and hoped to speak with us in real life as soon as possible. I really didn't know what to think. Honestly, I was scared. What if they were mean-spirited people? What if they put us through the wringer with their questions? What if they just want to make sure we clearly understood they had official dibs on this child now? We've all heard the story of the two moms in the Bible fighting over who got to keep the baby, right? I didn't really know for sure what this other family wanted. And although we still had a deep desire to adopt “girl no. 2”, the last thing WE wanted was a competition over an innocent child. I'm really a pretty phlegmatic person (with a good dose of melancholy thrown in for good measure), so I loathe unnecessary conflict! I wondered to myself if I could genuinely congratulate this other family on their adoption of “our” daughter. I had a LOT to pray about. My heart was still breaking at our potential loss. And yet I knew if we didn't let her go, their hearts would likely break too, but in the process, we would become their enemy, and they ours. I came face to face with “my Isaac” in that moment, and I knew I had to make that choice to obey or to disobey, not knowing the outcome. Not knowing if God would make me slay my dream, or if He would send a ram in the thicket just in the nick of time. I think it might have been one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I didn't tell Rick about them wanting to talk to us until I was fairly certain I could genuinely let her go and be happy for them. (Why was the process of letting go of a child so much harder this time than with the boys we first hoped to adopt? I don't know. I can't answer that one.) While I wrestled with God in making this decision to lay my “Isaac” down, I'm sure our children thought their mother was off in la-la-looney-land again!

I knew we had to face the music, and I told Rick this other family would like us to call them. So Rick and I bit the bullet, dialed their phone number, and began a conference call with this other family, not really knowing what to expect, or what to say. From the beginning, they openly shared their hearts with us, very quickly putting us at ease, and we knew we could openly share our hearts with them as well. We conversed about our respective families, how we each came to the place of pursuing adoption, and sharing info about international adoption in general. Before our conversation with them ended, we all prayed together for “girl no. 2” and for God to lead the four of us into a peace about her future, as well as the futures of both of our families. An hour and 15 minutes after that call began, we ended the conversation knowing we had made new friends who had huge hearts of gold. We hung up the phone still not knowing what the future held for us, or for them, but knowing one of our families was going to gain a daughter, and one of us was going to face the loss of the dream of adopting her. The future was unknown to all of us as we hung up the phone, but Rick and I had that confidence that God was truly in control of it all anyway. I had no doubts when we hung up that day that I had genuinely “laid my Isaac down” completely, regardless of the outcome which gave me an unexplainable peace inside.

The next morning, we awoke to an email from this family saying they had spent some time in prayer over the adoption of this precious girl. They wanted us to know they had notified the photolisting organization of their decision to pursue a different child and they wanted our family to continue to pursue “girl no. 2”. Again, I was speechless, and all I could do was cry. I was in a puddle of tears once again, not out of fear, or worry, or heartache, or anything like that. I was kneeling in a puddle of humble happy tears.

Rick and I could never say thank you to them enough, other than to humbly ask all of you to join us in prayer for our new friends, Jamie and Stephanie, as they wait for God to lead them to the child He has ordained for their family. Whoever she is, we know their new daughter is going to be an extra special addition to their family, and she will be greatly loved by the most unselfish parents we've met in a very long time. We would like to encourage your support of their adoption process as well! It would bring us joy to see their adoption fund grow quickly too!

So later on that day when I logged onto our Facebook page, I noticed a quote on someone's wall that summed it all up so perfectly:

“You know it's love when all you want is for that person to be happy,

even if you're not part of their happiness. ~ Author unknown”

 

I will tell you now, “girl no. 2” is genuinely loved by this other very unselfish family. This describes the situation so very well. We, both families, loved her enough to be willing to let her go. She is genuinely loved and treasured, by more than just our family, and she doesn't even know it yet. It is humbling. I cried that entire day as the words to the Matt Redman song “Never Once” kept going through my mind...

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

The song lyrics stayed on auto-repeat in my mind… and the tears just flowed. How could they not? 

He IS faithful!

So you haven't heard from us in the last two weeks, but I have an excuse... it's hard to know exactly what to write when you're blogging knee deep in a puddle... 


~ Michelle