What Am I Agreeing To?

As anybody who has ever adopted a child can attest, it is an emotional roller coaster ride. And we're really just getting started. Yikes! Before we can really move forward with the adoption process, we have to complete the move to Texas (another long story but thought the movers were not going to get there before we have to be out of our current house), finish transferring from the temp-to-hire position I am currently in to permanent hire with benefits, (told that is supposed to happen today or Monday. Yay!) and we still need to find a permanent residence to rent or purchase in Texas. Oh, did I mention the movers are coming in 3 days? 

All because my darling wife had the audacity to pray, "God, I'm bored. We need more adventure in our lives." 

Are you happy now, dear? We have adventure in spades!!!

I tease because my wife was right - we had become plump, happy, and dumb Christians, and our faith was stale. Faith is kind of like working out - the more you use it, the stronger it gets. We had become comfortable. Our faith work out was at a maintenance level; a comfortable plateau. We didn't have a lot of extra but I rarely had to worry about how to pay our regular living expenses anymore, the cars are paid for, we live in a comfortable house in a nice neighborhood with great landlords - what more could we really want? 

And then my wife suggests adoption.

"Hmmm. Adoption. Really? Let me think about it." (Universal husband speak for "I'll give it some time and she'll get over it. She probably just had some bad pizza at lunch.")

And then she shows me some pictures.

"That's nice," I think, "So what?"

But funny thing - I can't get those darn pictures out of my head. And I find myself day dreaming about having two more daughters, and even thinking about the logistics of how to accommodate a wheel chair. "Well, if we widen this doorway and put a ramp at the front steps...." That kind of thing.

And next thing I know I realize, I'm agreeing to this idea and I don't remember making a conscious decision. (Just remember wives, you are the neck that turns the head.)

"So, okay, this is kind of a cool idea. Over the next year or two, we'll save up the money, do the homestudy, etc. It will be a breeze, right?"

Wrong!!!! And now all hell breaks loose, like the Hoover dam breaking and flooding everything beyond it!

First, new job to help provide the additional income and benefits needed to pay for the extra medical costs associated with two children who have special needs.

God - "Oh yeah, by the way, that new job's in Texas, Rick."

Me - "What!?!? Texas?!? You're kidding, right? I gotta lotta friends there, but it's a nice place to visit and then go home."

God - "Nope. Not kidding. Texas it is. Uhhh, West Texas specifically."

Me - "Really?!? There's nothing there, and all my friends are in East Texas! It's a dessert, only no oasis, palm trees, etc. Surely you meant somewhere with some green, right?"

God - "Nope. Texas."

Me - "Oh, Okay." (Can you hear the underwhelming enthusiasm in my voice?)

And now Satan rubs his hands together gleefully and cackles "Let the games begin! This will be fun!"

And the games did begin - delay after delay, wondering what in the world we are doing.

First, we decided to delay the home study since it would have to be done all over again once we got settled in a new state. I bought a car (hadn't needed a second vehicle in about 5 years with me driving truck.) and headed for my new job in Texas. Got here and was promptly moved 4 different times as the company battled with the housing market here to provide us with a place to stay for 3 months. I fulfilled my requirements to move to full time, permanent employ, but because my new company had just been purchased by a larger company, it delayed the process of moving to the list of permanent employees as they sorted through all the new processes and procedures to accomplish this.

I was really digging the new and improved (aka, larger) paychecks and we were actually saving money for a change, thinking about buying a house here in Texas since it is considerably less expensive than renting, and then one by one, every car we own decides it needs some TLC to the tune of almost a thousand dollars or more, each.

"So much for savings, God! Now what? How are we gonna afford a place to live? Where am I gonna put my family?"

God - "Patience, my son. Didn't I tell you I will provide all of your needs according to my riches in glory...? I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Me - "But God, time is running out and I don't see a solution yet! I'm scared!" And though I didn't say it, angry too.

And this is where agreement comes into play. Those little thoughts; seeds planted by the father of lies...

"You're running out of time. There's no way you'll be able to make enough money in time to house your family before they get there." And circumstances seem to agree.

This is about the time that we are told that Aliza is getting ready to be transferred to the "laying rooms" that Michelle described in an earlier post. (I won't describe it here because it makes me want to cry every time I think about it.)

Pressure's on, and time is of the essence. Looming deadlines and no respite in sight. And I began to agree with these whispered ideas, the same way many of us do. "This is taking too long. We'll never make it in time. There's not enough money." Etc., etc., etc.

For any Christian who has ever tried to accomplish a God-breathed vision on their own, they will know exactly what I'm talking about. Because the reality is, God does not give us visions we can accomplish on our own. If He did, we wouldn't really need Him, right?

And the purpose of His visions are to show Himself strong on our behalf, to demonstrate to a lost world that He loves us and desires that ALL people come to know Him and experience His love. Yet how many times do we find ourselves doubting Him and agreeing with those little lies whispered in our ears by the enemy, who by the way, wants to see us fail!

So last night I was reading a book (completely unrelated to adoption) by a couple of my favorite authors, called "Love and War - Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed of" by John and Stasi Eldredge. In one of the chapters, they talked about this very issue of agreement, and how we essentially exercise negative faith by coming into agreement with lies spoken by the enemy who we frequently ignore or forget even exists. This is not just a physical world with a physical life - it is a spiritual world too, and we are a spiritual people. Do we even recognize the war that rages around us every day in the spiritual dimension?

If you're anything like me, sadly the answer is too often "no". I was really challenged by what they wrote in that chapter ("How to Have a Good Fight"). It made me stop and think about what thoughts I was meditating on and coming into agreement with.

"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7a.

Wow! I mean, that's powerful stuff. What I think is what I become, so what am I thinking? Am I down on myself? "I'm not good enough. I'll never measure up." Ever had these kinds of thoughts go through your head? I know I have. And what's even scarier is that they are sort of true, which makes them easier to agree with, after all, which one of us really does measure up; really is good enough, apart from Christ?

But the problem is, it's only half the truth. Yet so often we let these thoughts take root and grow until they produce a whole field full of weeds like doubt, shame, and inadequacy. Oh how many times have I said, "I feel so inadequate."?

The reality is I am inadequate, but that's only half the truth, because as Paul said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That is the whole truth - that in myself, I am inadequate, but in God, I can accomplish great and marvelous things because He has invited me to participate with Him in what He's doing, and has granted me His authority to do it in. How awesome is that?!?

So the question becomes, are we taking those thoughts captive and bringing them into submission to the truth of His Word and His will?

Are we standing on the promises or sitting on the doubts and fears?

Are we looking at the outward circumstances and believing what our eyes tell us, or reminding ourselves of the truth of God's Word?

I pray that my Father would help me to stand against the schemes of the devil, to take every thought captive and bring it into submission to the will of God. May I stand on His promise in John 16:33 " These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

~ Rick 

Update: Because both "Olivia" and "Aliza" are no longer available for adoption, we felt it was best to remove the photos we had posted of them from our blog.